Are we supposed to send out Save the Dates?

It’s always surprising to me how many couples I come across that have no idea that Save the Dates are not a mandatory (or even traditional for that matter) part of hosting a wedding. The conversation sometimes comes up due to stress or pressure they are feeling about getting their Save the Dates out in time although usually when this happens they aren’t even sure when the right time is! And further when I ask why they think they are supposed to do a Save the Date they usually say they hadn’t thought about the reason why, they were just doing it because “everybody else does”. 

I’m not here to bash save the dates, they can definitely serve a purpose and for some weddings may even be considered necessary. But I’d like to flesh out the reasons behind them so that for those that don’t necessarily need them they can save the cost and time and put that towards something else! 

Save the dates didn’t really become a thing until the mid-2000s and maybe that’s part of why I feel they aren’t NECESSARY for a traditional wedding. However, traditional wedding protocol is for your formal wedding invitation to be sent out 6-8 weeks before your wedding date- we all know in this modern world where everyone seems to be “busy” all the time, 2 months notice is not always going to be enough notice to have your most important people there - this is where a save the date comes in. 

A save the date is a simpler and earlier announcement to let people with hectic schedules or that need to make plans to travel a fair distance when and where the event will be held. If you’re having a very small affair with only close family members, if your wedding is being planned in a very short period of time, or if you plan to send invitations early then you wouldn’t necessarily need to do a save the date. But in circumstances where you are planning the event far in advance, have people traveling great distances, and have a large bridal party and/or guest list it can be a great way to make sure they at least have the time off from other obligations and travel plans in the works before your formal invitation comes later with the more in depth details. 

If you decide to send out save the dates, here are some loose guidelines for planning them:

They don’t have to match the color scheme or theme of your wedding, they are typically sent out in the very early planning stages so the esthetic of them does not matter! (Invitation typically are done in your wedding colors - this alerts guests to what the color scheme and level of formality will be but it is not necessary to have those details locked in place before sending out the STD). In addition there are no rules to how they are done - they don’t have to include a photo of the couple but they can, it’s all up to you.

They should include the location (city or town) and date. If you don’t have the time figured out you can wait until your formal invitation to include that. Include whatever details you DO know but don’t worry about including all the info as that’s what the formal invitation is for. 

If you have a wedding website set up, include that. 

Make sure to indicate whether guests will be able to invite a plus one or not. You can address these as “Mr. Joe Smith and guest” for your single guests if you want them to have a plus one or simply to “Mr. Joe Smith” if you are not planning for a plus one. 

And finally, be sure to put somewhere on the save the date “formal invitation to follow”. Since this is a much newer addition to wedding planning there are some guests that will be confused thinking this is the invitation and wonder why it doesn’t include all the pertinent info. Adding that a full invite will be coming at a later date will clear up that confusion. 

Hopefully this helps clear up some of the confusion about what a save the date is and when you would or wouldn’t find it necessary to use one. Happy planning!